Those Wide Open Eyes

WHEN people set fire to public property which has become the pop-in-pill of the day they release a lot of toxic gas into the very air they breathe. The air which has already been polluted through mistakes of the past. What goes missing here, hind thought or the forethought? The greatest mistake, however, is that we forget the pairs of wide open eyes of little ones who study the mad acts of the adult world.

A father was holding a remote control in his hand while carrying on a heated argument with his son about plans for the son's higher studies, where both father and son differed dramatically at many points. Suddenly, the father slammed the poor electronic device down smashing it into a hundred pieces.

When people throw things down to break them into a thousand pieces in a fit of rage do they or do they not think of the trouble one has to face while cleaning up the mess? A serious question indeed. When such unwelcome actions are copied on screen in many movies how do we appreciate it? — as the director's authentic representation of life? Ok, so what credit does a child give the director? Over the course of many such scenes, the child subsequently learns another funny side of the adult world that may beckon him later!

The man who broke the remote control was a potato couch for whom going up to the television set to change channels was as tedious and irritating as climbing up a dozen flights of stairs. Yet, he did resort to it the following days until a new one arrived with an unnecessary bill! Then why on earth do people not manage their outbursts at least for their own sake? In their fit of anger they do not give a thought to those poor souls who have to clean up somebody's anger that scatters clumsily around. That is because when anger rears its head etiquette and decorum pick up their skirts and make for a run!

School results have come out in the sub-continent. I am saddened, not by the incredible number of flying colours, but by the number of suicides that followed as well. What is it that frightens these little angels who have so many other innocent qualities that adults have to learn from? A boy who secured a 90 per cent plus also chose the extreme tragic end.

What were his or his parents' expectations? A one hundred per cent? Was he too fast or were others' expectations fast. Some say he didn't have the financial facilities to steer him ahead. Maybe God had better plans for him! Needless to say that if we are not successful in saving our young ones from foolishly giving in to their emotions we haven't gained anything in terms of being role models.

Sometimes we don't understand why people stop loving themselves and rely greater on others' opinions on their self. Why do they give their precious selves up to others? The very next day I heard the news of a poor physically challenged person who was bitten in the face by a mad dog as people stood helplessly watching, fearing to go near the ferocious dog. He couldn't fend for himself as his entire structure was out of sync. Aren't we like the mad dog when we give in to the raging bull within us? We forget that we are blessed with every conceivable faculty to fend for ourselves against unconstructive emotions.

Tolerance is not a strained effort as many see it. If we strain to tolerate anger the persona of anger still remains with only a change of place. When tolerance is taken up with a pinch of strain, instead of heading for the other person it comes head on to yourself or simply burns the act itself giving no room for the light of peace that follows real tolerance. The "tolerator" ends up hating himself.

An easy way is, the moment we prepare ourselves to cool the fuming dragon, we have to believe that we are the owner of a particularly enlightened nature. We have to credit our merits and love ourselves. As we count our blessings we could also count some of the lovely forgiving angles in our nature that we are capable of. With that, we slowly fall in love with ourselves and that is the beginning of true life!

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Are We Good Listeners?

EFFECTIVE communication is often considered synonymous with eloquence. But, no. It is a two way process. Unless all the individuals involved play an active role there cannot be true communication. This is where the concept of effective listening becomes relevant.

It is generally difficult to get a meaningful conversation going since all are busy talking and hardly anyone is listening. Sometimes, we do not really listen completely in a conversation as we are too busy formulating our response. Yet, we think we are good communicators.

We enjoy talking especially when we get an apparently receptive or willing audience. Watch public speakers who address a large gathering. They rise to say a few words but then go on and on. After all, it is not often that they get a captive and polite audience.

That of course does not imply that the audience is listening with rapt attention. Listening is often dismissed as an elementary and passive skill. It is not. It requires concentration and effort. Distractions such as mobile phones, computers, Ipods and 24/7 television makes it more difficult for us to listen to people around us.

When we are listening to music or watching TV we can afford to let our minds wander. But not during a serious conversation which calls for meaningful exchange of ideas. Our response will let the other person know they have been heard completely. Then they would feel respected and important and relax while conversing with you.

We can go further by repeating briefly what we hear to enhance clarity. We thus give the other person the opportunity to correct any misconceptions. The level of communication then rises to a higher plane. We often envy those who have the ‘gift of the gab’. But it is not true that good talkers are good communicators. The opposite may be true.

Good listeners are often some of the best speakers because they have taken the time to find out what people are truly interested in. Viewed thus, effective listening becomes probably the most important communication skill and indispensable for self improvement and success. Like most skills, we can learn to listen better if we really want to. We are given two ears and one mouth for good reason. We must listen impartially, with an open mind and make a sincere attempt to absorb the essence of what we hear.

The ability and willingness to listen is vital not only in personal life but at the workplace and in social interactions. Let me narrate a recent experience. A few weeks ago, I made a long distance call to check on a vital piece of information about my son’s admission for higher education. Before I could get half way through my short query, the voice at the other end interrupted me and went off at a tangent doing everything but answering my question. The speaker reacted hastily on a wrong assumption. After a reasonably patient wait, I had to intervene firmly.

On reflection, I realised that this is what teachers and teacher administrators tend to do. We assume we know what the speaker wants even before they state it. But a little more patience could avoid a lot of misunderstanding and frustration. All administrators would do well to speak less or avoid speaking impulsively and cultivate the habit of listening carefully.

On many occasions, an aggrieved employee who gets a patient hearing from the higher up feels he is getting justice and his problem is being redressed. Even a NO that comes after a genuine hearing will be more palatable than a brash or blunt refusal.

We come across people who take the extreme step of ending their life when faced with mental stress or depression. But those with greater miseries and tragedy in life bravely carry on. The difference in the second case could be that they have someone close to them to lend a patient and sympathetic ear to their plight. Highly-paid psychiatrists and counsellors, after all, perform the same listening activity in a professional way.

In this context, it is good to remind ourselves of the Shakespearean advice found in Hamlet: ‘Give every man thy ear, but few thy voice.’ According to Stephen Covey, ‘To relate effectively with people we must learn to listen. Listening involves patience, openness, and a genuine desire to understand.’Active and careful listening coupled with silence may often prove a powerful communication tool. So let us sharpen our listening skills and become more efficient communicators. Anyone listening?

Quote:
A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he gets to know something. — Wilson Mizner

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Back to school, Ramadhan,
Eid and cost implication

THE mother of Junior overspends the food budget more in the month of fasting than in any other. This puzzles me much as I would expect food to be consumed less because people are fasting anyway. But being a man who does not easily challenge the lady of the house, I tend to leave things as they are.

Eid is also around the corner. A time to celebrate… but prior to this you have to be prepared to open your wallet many a times. It is also school time. Junior and his sister have to go back to school. These demands and needs have cost implications to me and this time they seem to have come at the time when inflation in my house is at the highest.

The schools have increased their fees to the extent that I am thinking of letting my beloved ones trek to school. But with this type of weather condition and the road safety, I don’t think my heart will agree with my contention. As if the school fees and the transportation charges are not enough burden, there is also the school stationery.

Chances are that I am not going to have enough money to satisfy all my family needs but I am certain they are expecting me to meet their every need. So I have the challenge to help them understand they will not get everything they desire. The trick I am going to use is to involve them in making the home budget.

My home budget includes rent, food, utility bills, school fees, clothes, pocket money and different forms of entertainment. It would have helped much if I were to disclose how much I earn. This would have given them awareness and maturity to help them make reasonable demands. But I wouldn’t want their mother to get this information. I am sure if you are reading this and you happen to be a man you would fully understand my argument.

In reality, the father of Junior is a man who doesn’t possess much money but Junior and his sister along with their mother team up in their quest to live like the rich and famous. Involving them in the budget, I hope, will give them the freedom to choose what they can and cannot have. This process will teach them the importance of saving and they will know the concept of opportunity cost (economics) ie they can learn to forgo leisure for essentials.

They will for instance know why I give them little pocket money; why I cannot take them to amusement centres; why they need to save on food, water or electricity; and why gold is not my favourite mineral. Budgeting will also boost their self-esteem and encourage them to work hard.

This technique will help me in explaining to them why I don’t have enough money. But most important of all, it will save me the burden of feeling stressed as a result of not meeting their demands. Kids don’t deserve all what they ask for, so when you firmly say no they should be in position to understand why.

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To a Great Son of the Land!

It was a famous joke and tease at the work place, leave them alone! They are the Toyota Family; each one of them working has a Toyota — from the elder brother with a Land Cruiser to the youngest sister with a Corolla! When they come to a function, they seem to be the Bahwan Family that have come in with their Toyota cars! Just leave them alone — the cry went. Maybe they have shares in The Bahwan Group. At that time, both brothers were in one Group — before it broke up into two between the brothers!

He had written to the finance department of the company, and told him he wanted a month’s delay because he could not afford to pay the installment of the Land Cruiser he had purchased a few months back. He had to pay the outstanding school fees of his daughters — or they would be stopped from continuing to study there! It was a fixed ultimatum — no bones or joke about it! The finance department head agreed for the postponement. They signalled their approvals on the copy they gave back to him.

At that time all the financing of the car hire purchase were in-house, not like now. They called the shots, and they were and could be more considerate — and afford to be kinder and more compassionate than people are now. He learnt this lesson the hard way — when he moved to another company — and another car. He was an honest and sincere person all his life — he had never taken anything that did not belong to him. Surprising for a person who had total control and power of a big budget in millions of dollars in his last jobs — but he never took even a cent or baiza that did not belong to him — or he could put claim rightly to take!

Even the suppliers and clients used to mock and tease him — Sir, you are an honest and sincere person — but you will go poor and unnoticed and unappreciated. Those who find ways to be dishonest and not sincere and genuine will be noticed and acknowledged — but not you Sir — sorry to say Sir. He counted three Sirs — but said with mockery, disdain and contempt — for not playing the game — and with due respects — Sir!

He was driving out of the company gates when the security personnel stopped him. There is an issue here from the car company you are driving. The other more feeling officer said to him — we suggest you go and sort out the issue with the company, please. Please sort it out quickly, for your own good. He continued — you know well that others just follow instructions blindly — there is no in-between grey areas. It is either black or white — there is no grey colour — or anything in-between. He added kindly — the instructions they get they follow just blindly.

As he went into the company, he was fuming and mad in anger and frustration. He forgot himself — he started speaking to the great person in the language of that distant land. He was not himself. He had always abided by the law; he did not even have a traffic offence or anything against him! Yes — like he said before — he had focused in his life’s goals and pursuits to remain vigilant and to remain honest, sincere and genuine — and be a good citizen and follow rules and regulations. He will try his level best; the rest was not up to him. He would not play the games others did — for cover ups and formal approaches of clearness and following — whilst behind the scenes the situation was completely different! He will not be like them — even if that made him needy and poor. This was his life’s focus, dreams and aspirations.

The man burst out laughing loudly — he said — nobody had ever spoken to me in that language since I was 12 years old — and going in the sailing ships that went to that distant land where they spoke — just like you did to me now! You must be very annoyed and angry to forget yourself this way? Yes, the younger man said — and I apologise sincerely and profusely. The man picked up the phone — he called in all the culprits to the office, and he apologised sincerely to the young man. Bring me all his checks — I will look after your account personally. You come and see me when you are ready to start paying.

The good Indian marketing manager came in — he said — this man is a personal friend — he should not have been so embarrassed like this. Besides he has always been a good customer with us, sometimes now and then unexpected things happen — and we become victims of circumstances. The man remembered him — actually he bought his first car from him when he was just a salesman! Now he was in a very high position in the company. At that time it was just a small show room in Hamriya — with maximum three or four cars in the showroom. The man apologised again. He walked the once angry man out of the office. If any problem, call me on this direct number — the man insisted. He was the brother — but it came from the same family — kind, considerate, caring and feeling — especially for the less fortunate, the needy and the poor ones. They treated their staff and families well — whatever nationality, religion or creed. It was the talk of the town, and in all business circles too.

Not like the other cases of rags to riches, who have forgotten themselves — and have made themselves haughty, proud, conceited and contemptuous of others — especially the poor ones, the less fortunate, the sick and ailing, the young sick children, the handicapped, the older generation, who have forgotten their friends and history that easily and so conveniently too!

This article is dedicated to Shaikh Saud bin Salim bin Abdullah Bahwan al Mukhainy.

— majidsnalsuleimany@hotmail.com

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You can’t solve all your problems

PROBLEM solving can be a skill that some are born with. Unfortunately, many people have trouble handling problems that come up whether serious issues or daily conflicts. Here are a few tricks to thinking your way through everyday problems and issues. Make sure you understand the problem completely. Get as much information as you can in order to make an informed decision about the problem. If the problem doesn't require a decision it's important you still learn as much as you can.

Talk to people in your support group such as friends, family, co-workers, other parents etc. Try to keep emotions out of it and talk facts. Try to remain as practical and fair as possible. Ask questions and get as many details as possible. Find if there is more than one person involved.

Chances are there are always hidden facts and sometimes knowing all the facts will help the problem solve itself. Don't be rushed into sorting through a problem. Think it through and don't be hasty. People will appreciate your careful thought more than a knee jerk reaction. Take time. You may be rushed to make an immediate decision but it's alright to tell them to give you time to make a decision. Tell them you need to think it through.

Make a list of pros and cons. Be honest and ask for feedback on your list from loved ones and co-workers if needed. Evaluate the list. Take quiet time to ponder the facts. A crazy environment is not the most conducive place to sort through a problem. Take a break, find a quiet place free of distractions and think it through. Consider rules, business practice if it's at work, your long term objectives and really if this is a major problem or a minor hassle. Ask yourself what aspects of the problem you really have control over and can influence.

Understand what is and what isn't within your control. Try to take personal feelings out of the equation and look at the facts at hand. Prioritise your list of pros and cons. Realise when you deal with certain problems not everyone will agree. Make a decision and stick to it. Whether this is how to move forward after a difficult time, a solution to your problem, the road to take to solve a problem, or just your state of mind to deal with an issue.

Do what you think is best at the time and you shouldn't regret your position. Take care of yourself. The most important person in difficult situations is you. Make yourself a list of things that need to change. You can't make all your problems go away, but you can learn from them so that the same things don't continue to happen. Realise that there are a lot of people with far worse problems in life. Put your problems in context and you'll make it through your obstacles and know how lucky you are. Not all problems are for you to sort through.

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Omani women empowered through IT

A SILENT transformation has been taking place here in Oman pioneered by women, run by women for women. The Women in Technology (Wit) programme organised by the Omani Women’s Association — Muscat (Owam) along with Microsoft and the Institute of International Education (IIE) has graduated 60 more women in IT this week, reaching a number of 1,163 certified IT graduates with 33 trainers at 11 centres.

The Wit programme for Mena region is funded by the US Department of State and managed by IIE through the Middle East Partnership Initiative (Mepi). The Mepi aims to promote economic reforms and the empowerment of women in the region. Wit programme aims to train 10,000 women by 2010 and induct them into mainstream workforce.

The programme delivers IT training through Microsoft’s Unlimited Potential (UP) curriculum along with Professional Development workshops to improve women’s standard of living and quality of life by building their knowledge and skills and to eliminate illiteracy in information technology (IT).

Shkour al Ghamari, Chairperson, Owam, said: “We aspire to set up Community Technology Learning Centres in each of our 43 branch across the Sultanate and till date about 11 centres have been set up. The programme’s success so far can be attributed to the support and contributions of our sponsors Microsoft, IIE and Mepi. We expect the graduates to cherish this gift and move forward with higher levels of IT literacy”.

Apart from the major partners, Omani private sector organisations such as Oman International Bank (OIB), National Bank of Oman (NBO) and OTE (Oman Trading Establishment) have made their generous contributions for the programme.

The Wit programme currently operates in centres at Muscat, Musannah, Sohar, Ibra, Ibri, Taqa, Salalah, Rustaq, Saham, Buraimi and Khabourah. The UP runs for 112 hours with Personality Development workshops for another 30 hours. The trainees benefit from a soft skills training program comprising of Communication, Leadership, Management, Decision Making, Team Building and Problem Solving skills.

“Microsoft’s Unlimited Potential (UP) is designed to help narrow the technology skills gap and aid global workforce development by providing access and training opportunities for communities underserved by technology including women”, explained Abdullah Lootah, Country Manager — Oman, Microsoft Corporation.

In line with their mission to support non-profit organisations, Microsoft has contributed 90 computers through their Microsoft Authorised Refurbishment programme to Owam specially to equip the project centres with the right hardware. They have also donated the required software packages and cash assistance. Till date 33 women are trained by Microsoft as certified ‘Trainers’ to run the programme.

On speaking to Abeer al Mukhaini, Program Manager-WIT and Khadija al Ali, IT Co-ordinator-Wit, they explained that the programme specifically addressed women’s IT literacy requirements at their convenient locations in a socially comfortable environment.

Empowerment of women with technology helps them to enter IT workforce that was hitherto considered exclusive for men, they added. The Wit programme gives preference to young unemployed graduates and members of low-income families. Deserving students are also awarded scholarships.

The UP curriculum teaches basic computer skills, such as how to use Windows operating system, surf the Internet and work with Microsoft Office. It also teaches fundamentals of web design and digital media, including audio, video and photography.

As pointed by Al Ghamari, “Women cannot do without using technology because even their children use computers to communicate and get latest information from the Internet. This training bridges this generation gap and in our community, when we educate a girl, we educate her whole family”.

Maryam al Zadjali is one of the scholarship trainees of the programme and it was her moment of pride when she received her certification accompanied by her child. She considers that there can be no future for anyone without learning how to use computers, e-mail and Internet.

Women interested in the programme as trainees or trainers can approach their nearest Omani Women’s Association centre and apply. On successful acceptance they are allocated to one of the centres for training lasting about three months. All successful trainees are awarded graduation certificates.

“We are proud of the success of the Wit here in Oman where they have managed to graduate 1,163 trainees within a short period of one-and-a-half years since March 2007”, lauded Naushad Hamza, Country Marketing Executive, Microsoft Corporation, Oman.

UN’s Millennium Goals to ‘End Poverty’, ‘Achieve Gender Equality’, ‘Universal education’ and ‘Global partnership for development’ can be achieved not only by formal organisations working towards these but also by community groups as shown by the success of the Wit-Mena programme deployed in the Sultanate of Oman.

With many more academic institutions willing to establish centres in their campuses and more and more students willing to help their community by becoming trainers, the butterfly-effect is sure create a silent transformation — one that is powered by empowered women creating the digital society of Oman.

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Fresher than fresh… it’s exciting

THERE'S a story that’s been making the rounds — a little girl was once asked where pizza came from and she replied ‘the phone’. Other variations to that anecdote are her replying ‘from a box’ or ‘from the freezer’. A smile tugs at your lips till you realise that the point being made is the fact that kids no longer know that long before sliced bread or pizza there is wheat. That oranges and potatoes aren’t born in a grocery store but on the farm, on trees or in the ground. Well, whether these stories are real or urban myths, a string of similar tales have had a cumulative effect.

“Get the kids outdoors,” is the newest mantra. Nature Deficient Disorder is what they’re calling it when kids don’t experience the great outdoors. My suburban kids have seen more green and with it more deer, rabbit and squirrel in our backyard, than I ever saw trees growing up. But summer is a fleeting pleasure and winter keeps us indoors, so being outdoors in the sun makes good sense, I reasoned as I signed my two up for a farm experience.

Yes, farms have become all the rage. Kids get to work on a farm, or at least observe it being worked. They till, they toil, they reap and sow. That’s a semblance of what mine did for three days. They participated in an 1800’s American farm experience where they helped feed the horses, dug up veggies and or plucked herbs off stems and stalks, cleaned and cooked them, did some fishing and some embroidery, played with hand-made wooden toys and got to be real 1800’s kids.

They even churned ice-cream in an old-fashioned ice-cream making pail. “You’d never like being a woman in the 1800’s,” Taskeen said to me. “All they did all day was cook. They only got a 20-minute break from morning to night.” Apparently, back then each meal was a mini-feast and when lunch was done, preparations for dinner began.

I thought my kids would complain about the mice rummaging in the horse feed — the bins of oats and corn. I imagined they’d fret about gnats and mosquitoes, but I think they enjoyed the novelty of the exercise so much that they quite forgot to whine. Instead they narrated how back then, farmers had to cut sheets of ice from rivers and tow them back on sleds to the barn where they had deep wooden ice-boxes, packed with saw dust, to keep the ice from melting.

They also knew a little about picking eggs straight from a coop and tapping trees for maple syrup. I was thrilled I’d signed them up, but knew I wouldn’t have been half as brave as them, especially in sun that hot. My tryst with nature was simpler even though it ended up costing me a pretty penny.

My guilty pleasure was signing up for a bushel of organic farm produce that was straight from the farm, dirt sticking to it and all. It was THAT fresh. I loved the idea that I would be feeding my family only the freshest, organic veggies and I especially loved the idea that I didn’t need to leave home to get it. It arrived at my door-step.

Somewhere at the back of my mind, I also imagined I was saving the earth and the environment by buying locally rather than spending on vegetables grown in California and trucked 25 hours away to Chicago. Co-op farming, they call it. All those interested first buy a membership in the co-op for a portion of the produce. Our memberships enable the farmer to decide how much to grow.

By the time it’s summer, he begins harvesting and a share arrives at our doorstep for which we pay an additional $19. The first week I received a bag of turnips, beets, carrots the size of my little finger and all manner of tubers, none of which I knew how to cook. Cleaning the mound of salad leaves was not pleasant either.

Dwindling dollar signs lit up in my head. That membership may not have been worth it, I worried. By the second delivery, I decided to pull the plug on the deliveries. “I don’t know what these vegetables are and I do not know how to cook them,” I e-mailed WellHausen Farms.

Guilt nagged. I had paid for this co-op membership and now wasn’t even using vegetables it produced. I reasoned that the novelty of it all, plus the thought of eating healthy and fresh, had been too much of a lure. But as the weeks wore on I almost regretted my decision — Why did I have to go jump on the latest bandwagon? I should have investigated further before shelling out my hard-earned greenbacks.

I’d almost given up when my silver lining arrived. There in my in-box was an e-mail from WellHausen Farms about the upcoming delivery tomatoes, corn, potatoes, green beans and more. These I could cook well and I even had down time to actually do the cooking.

“Sure send me this weeks order,” I responded happily. The stuff arrived. A bag heavy with corn cobs, onions, tomatoes, potatoes and green chillies. I washed some cherry tomatoes and popped them into my mouth. These were the sweetest cheeries I’d had in a while.

I boiled the corn. Again, delicious and juicy. I boiled the baby potatoes and adding some salt, pepper, cumin and coriander powder, I roasted them . But I also wanted to try making some salsa. I had long wanted to but rarely had all the ingredients at hand. This was a rarity. I pulled some recipes off the Internet and began the process.

In a chopper, in went the onions, the coriander, the chillies. Brr. Grrr. Grrr. Next, I roasted each tomato over the gas flame. The recipe called for me to discard the charred tomato skins and deseed the flesh. I decided against it. In went the tomatoes, skin and all. Brr. Grrr. Grr. I dumped the mixture in to a bowl, then peered at the recipe. Salt and pepper and a dash of lemon juice, it said. I added them.

Then with my whole wheat chapatti and my spiced potatoes, I sat down to eat. Wrapping the chappati around the potato, I dipped it into the salsa. I took a bite. Salsa? This wasn’t Salsa. If the recipe hadn’t called it so, I would never have known it was Salsa. It tasted no different than what we call Kucumbar in India. As I chewed, I grinned with deep satisfaction. Salsa or cucumbar, it was just as delicious as it had been back then.

Cooking dinner tonight, with another fresh load of veggies from the farm, the jingle for a grocery store runs through my mind. “Fresh from the farm to the store,” croons the woman. I smile. I’ve gone one step ahead. It’s fresh from the farm to my plate. Even better, I’ve done my little bit for the environment. One large step for my family, one small step for humanity.

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